About two months ago, I participated in a 3-day water fast to clear my mind. This also included even clearing my mind of thoughts of food--not just my stomach.
For three days, I had time dedicated to prayer and supplication, but also anytime I started to think about food or feel hungry, I hit my knees. For a chubby gal like me, there was a lot of extra prayer time these three days.
Like other times I've done these fasts, I started by making a list of about seven things I'd like to place before the Lord for more clarity (and in some cases, the need for Divine Help); then I cover the seven with a prayer and commitment to fast.
Why seven? That's the Lord's perfect number, so why not seven?!
Do I always get total clarity or help on all seven? Uh, no. Sometimes I do if they're sort of small things and sometimes if I have seven huge things to bring to the throne, I might have a measure of more clarity on all of them, with some issues more clear than others. And then there have been times I've been told "Nope, we're not addressing this...not yet, anyway."
When told no, however, God does something truly amazing. He replaces the issue I brought to Him to discuss by pointing out another matter He feels is more pertinent to settle right now. Maybe I need to apologize to someone or go make something right. Maybe I need to confess something I did a long time ago. Maybe I have a pet sin that I justify, and He needs me to surrender it to Him.
As things are revealed to me, I praise God and try to write them down immediately, so I don't forget! Then at the end, I compile a detailed list of all of my revelations and pray over it to thank God for His guidance and ask how to "go forward" in the areas I know I need to change, but don't yet know how.
Funny thing about this list, though I always start with a list of seven...I always end with abundantly more revelations. Every. Single. Time.
Not to be a critic of God's math skills, but let me tell you, my God is not a respecter of persons, nor of our human understanding of math and science. I deliver to Him seven problems and after three days, He delivers me solutions, insights as to why these things happened so that I can have more compassion and understanding, and He gives me wisdom how to avoid such in the future; He also points out where I've erred be it with things that are tangible or relational so I can fix what's broken if possible or not break it further; and He gives me a list of things I need to surrender to Him--all the while He is revealing more and more of Himself to me and gently guiding me as to what else I could be doing to know Him better.
God is good! Yes, He's a mystery that we cannot fully comprehend, else He wouldn't be God, but He does want to know us and wants us to know Him!
A recurring theme I noticed in my fast a few months ago was: being faithful in the mundane. Sure, it's easy to read your Bible, quote scripture and share far and wide how awesome God is when you're soaring on that mountaintop after He's just delivered you from a major crisis. And for me personally, it's even easier to study my Bible, pray, commit scripture to memory and share what I learned when I'm in the depths of the valley.
But what about when I'm just walking on the narrow, straight, even path? When there is no crisis bringing me to my knees? When there is no happy miracle just experienced?
What about then?
Sadly, for me, I so easily jump ship. I find it nearly impossible to keep my eyes focused on Him in the mundane times. Perhaps that's why I have such deep lows that seem to drag out. They help to keep me focused.
God pointed out this flaw in my character and what did I do about it?
Not much, I'm afraid.
At first, I committed that I was going to read and study NO MATTER WHAT. Every day. I'd get up an hour early to study, journal and pray. I did this for a month...then slowly fell away.
Sure, I still pray throughout the day, and I enjoy listening to the audio Bible, Christian music or sermons while driving in the car--but what of dedicated study? What of the constant reminder that God loves me. He provides for me. He wants me to know Him...and He wants to know me?! What am I doing about that?
This past week has been a struggle. It started with an inability to find an interest in listening to the audio Bible while I slept, then I couldn't find any sermon I could get into, and finally I realized I had completely switched back to secular music. I was a little bamboozled. I cannot remember a single time in the past five or six years that I've not been able to find a single interesting sermon or had turned off my praise music.
Another strange happening was someone called me on three separate occasions to share something they'd learned and ask my thoughts on life application...and I just did the old smile and nod. I had no interest in their awesome revelations.
Last night, as I was getting ready for bed, I took a mental inventory and noticed all of these anomalies and it shook me. Why was I so disinterested? Why did the idea of going to church leave me feeling hollow? Why was it that anything and everything that had to do with Spiritual matters seemed boring?
I woke up early this morning, unable to sleep and mediated on how this all happened...and so quickly.
Then it hit me: God gave you a task: seek Me, even in the mundane, and while I started out promising I'd never let that happen again--that's exactly what happened!
Jeremiah 29:13 is God's promise that we WILL find Him, if we seek for Him with ALL of our hearts. John 10:27 assures us that His sheep know His voice.
I wasn't diligently (with purpose, keen interest, actively) seeking so naturally I wasn't hearing His voice and I had no interest in doing so. This is exactly what He'd pointed out was a pitfall for me. Without an exterior force of good or bad, I wasn't interest in making Him my focus. I had fallen off track in the mundane.
So what am I going to do about it:
- Pray, pray, pray. I am flesh and weak. I need God to help me. Pull me back where I once was. Give me the desire to keep seeking Him out without the need for a catastrophic crisis to help guide me to Him.
- Read. Be it five verses or a chapter, I will read something. Daily.
- Pray again that God gives me the strength to keep reading and learning and a thirst for Him and His truth.
- Hold myself accountable. I started this blog at the start of Covid when I thought, This is it, it's go-time! Cue the end time events, Jesus is on His way. Unfortunately, I quickly ditched the daily blogging as my time was needed elsewhere. Thankfully, I did continue to read and study during that time to this. I just didn't write my notes and breakthroughs here, but oh how I wish I had! However, to daily write out my thoughts and what I am learning, is an excellent way to hold me accountable, if only to myself, to keep Word-Focused.
- Pray again for the ability to understand and the courage to share. Time is short. Jesus' prophecies in Matthew and Luke about the state of the world is being fulfilled. Paul writes to Timothy about the human condition (matters of the heart) before the return of Jesus. We are living in the days where people are lovers of themselves, they rebel against authority, respect is gone, and hatred abounds. We are there and we don't have time to get distracted. At least I don't.
